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Rebekah

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January 19th, 2007

It has happened

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...I've now seen a guy who came into Jack in the Box who looks like Jason Isaacs.
I lie not. Give Isaacs back his more Captain Hook flair (including a bit of that awesomely sezzy, curly, dark hair), dress him in black, give him a hat, and tattoo around his neck. Yeah. It was Mr. Isaacs. I wish I had a freaking camera.

January 6th, 2007

Finally I get around the grand daddy of annoying entries I've to make and post.
So yeah. This last year (since New Year's has passed and my birthday is a lot closer...) has been...interesting.
A lot has changed.
I guess I've changed. I don't know. I know things aren't coming as easy as they used to. I just can't bring myself to draw as much; things get hard to write and I'm more emotional and prone to making an ass out of myself (though I suspect I was always inclined to that sort of behavior).
This last year as been hell because a "friend" took advantage of my dad's unknowningness, honesty and generosity (as my dad has been amazing this past year...just wow. A real big shout out to him, for it was his birthday not two days ago) and everything else, and now he's got nothing. No retirement, no money. Barely hanging on and somehow he still manages to have more good days out of bad ones.
My mum is nicer too though the paranoid parent and chronic punishing me thing seems to have gotten worse at times. *sigh* Still love ya mom, just wish....things were a little different sometimes.
My friend got divorced and is managing alright on her own, thankfully, though brain wise our Residential crazies have...been anything but....
I've been lonlier lately. Feeling a bit more seperate from those I used to talk to a lot. I guess it doesn't help when I'm here and they're that ways far away and have homework and more important things to do than humor me...
But I got a job and have been hit on (by someone I really don't want to, believe me. Knew him in school. And the guy is a bit of a weirdo. 9_9;; oy), actually went to a dance where I didn't hyperventilate when there were ones before where I HAVE.
Got a computer for Christmas (it's the one I've always been using so, I didn't celebrate too much, but I am glad I have it. I'll need my precious...), rediscovered the fact that I still really have no interest in porn...yeah.
There are lots of things.
And maybe....despite how much some of them have sucked (I think there have been more "SUCK" situations than "WIN" ones), I guess...I kinda look forward to this year, scared out of my wits as I may be.
I still want to get back into college but really haven't been pushing for it much...though my excuse is I feel less than qualified to even try.
I don't know...this year has been good it's just...there's a lot I wish I could change and be different about and...I'm not.
I wish I wasn't the lonely moron sitting around and just going to a job at a fast food place...I wish I could somehow prove to myself I was better than that and that maybe I was worth some of the attention I get from people and such...
I just want to be able to do things.
I'm not really sad right now, just...contemplative. About a lot of things at once.
I still feel like...now...that maybe I'm further away from my "friends" than what I thought. I guess it's kinda scary, but...I haven't made any new ones at all, and I suppose they're all I have left to call up and go "GUESS WHAT!?" and hope they'll want to hear what I have to say.
I don't go to school, and even when I did (college) it wasn't very active either. I guess I just hid a lot...
*sigh* I do try to change and I know by this I probably sound like I only whine but...really. I try...and....it's just not good enough.
I dunno. I think my headache is making this sound worse than it is. *throbbing brains*
...guh.
The reason I have it is because I just watched the Endless Waltz and the first DVD and like....two episodes on the second of Gundam Wing with a bunch of newbs. I feel rather funny sharing things with non-animegoers, but there you have it. Fun thing is, they like it. And most of the ones who've seen it so far are guys. ;) Guess it's really not just for girls, eh peeps? *thinking of some of the guys who like to blow fits about it on the net - "Iz FAGWING" 9-9 oy*
...and I have really been staring a lot at the innuendo between Zechs and Noin, HOLY CRAP. I don't know if it's just the voices the actors would make whilst in their roles or whatever but OH. hOLY. CRAP. Honestly, I'm surprised that Zechs and Noin aren't like...MAKING OUT in the middle of the series after just watching the beginning episodes and the movie...*shake head* It's all spicy and grrrr. Hawt.
Anyways...I was going to blab more about the year past...but...eh...
A lot of what catches me for the moment is the fact I'm going to be 19. Still. Then 20.
I guess I should be really frightened. I mean, I am...and...it's another year that goes by and I feel lonlier than normal. Gah. I sound like such a whiner...! But I'm Noooottt! I just...
I have issues, alright...X(;; It's just not really working out in my grand scheme of things...
agh!brainspainses!
....okay, I hassa go to bed before my head explodes.
I stop this random things

December 31st, 2006

Happy Mormon New Year? XD

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So yeah. Went to a dance for and LDS New Year's party because...well New Year's is on a Sunday and to keep the Sabbath day holy they went ahead and did it tonight.

...not really that I'm complaining.
Okay, well, maybe at first.
About 99.9% of the time I am absolutely paranoid around other people and this time...eh. I dunno. It was okay and I was starting to get antsy when this slow song started up...and this totally random guy I'd been wiggling with previously (in the classical "I don't know how to dance but I am DAMN sure I look like an idiot so I do it anywayz!" style) suddenly just like...asked me to dance. XD It wasn't a SLOW dance it was more a llittle over the top, your cliche proclaim your romance high to the heavens kinda song. *snerkies*
So we're kinda dancing funky and stupid and twirling and generally dancing in the retarded way that anyone will do when you're trying to be cool and smooth whilst being retarded.
And I run into him a few times.
And one time I end up resting my head against his shoulder because of one of the aforementioned running into times. And he freaking HUGS me.
Like...that cinch...cute kinda hug that shojo mangas love to clench on.
...I think I about passed out....
I know now why I hate dances. Not only do I embaress easily but somehow there's always this random nice guy just like...LURKING around to find someone to dance with that would rather be in a fire ant hole than at THAT dance.
...and yeah. I'm just gonna crawl in a corner now.
I feel a little sad because well...I tried to tell my mum and...*sigh* I guess after all the crap they keep giving me about being pretty and girly and suddenly when I want to talk about this to my mum and all she's like is "Well, I'm glad you had a good time. Night..."
..I guess I kinda wanted to sit and be amazed with someone for a while.
I didn't really think someone would randomly just...DO THAT. Or even...just...nevermind...

December 26th, 2006

Birthday eh?

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..I've got 16 days left till I'm nineteen and try to destroy the world with a mobile suit.
And have a really hot girlfriend because suddenly I'm 6'1, male, and blonde with blue eyes.
Not to mention I also have a friend who's my superior officier and we have...issues at times and challenge each other to life and death duels because I can't get him to leave me alone.
And this kid I admire is about 4 years younger than I am and he and my sister (who I will suddenly have, you realize; I'll be lacking parents at that point too) will have...something going on, I just know it. It's in the air. I can smell them pheremones from a mile away.
Yeah.
Dammit. Maybe I should like. Dig my own grave? ¬_¬ hmmm...

...Just babbling again.
Almost 19. Wow.
....I still feel like I'm two.

Noticed

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...I rarely write anything intelligent so I'm just reissuing this warning after 5.3 seconds of looking over my last post.
I MAKE LITTLE TO NO SENSE.
I am not brilliant with words, nor am I anywhere near the world's best writer page. Don't expect me to be clever or witty or whatever. In anything I do. I expect badness all the time out of myself because it is the badness always. No matter what I do. =~=
I like to write, babble and be weird. And look. I tell the truth to nothing! YAY.
..gad I really need some good books to read and fiction to write/read/draw.
...I'm going to shut up before someone big, black haired and tattooed decides I've had enough air for the day.
*giiiiggle*

...no I am NOT drunk.
...though I have been interested in drinking some wine lately....
..mmh.
Wine glasses to wine drinkers to Treize.
...oh sexy man in uniform, you defy existence.
As does Sephiroth. Wait.
What?
Oh crap. *waltzes off*

December 10th, 2006

Live woot

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For I have had a job for a while now.
I work at Jack-in-the-Box AND I finally had someone at my house recently other than my parents. ;^;
Yay.
I R NOT DEAD.
Wewt.
Busy, however. Which is why I not around so much.

November 16th, 2006

Read more...Collapse )

November 15th, 2006

And neither do I, apparently. Hurhur.
Ahem. Lately it's been one thing after another, mostly running around and playing FF12, however.
I'm kinda supposed to be finding a job...kinda..erm...¬¬; yeaaah.
But FF12 owns me. And I want a PS3 and a new computer. And erm. I'd have to get a job to do that....
...But I DON'T WANNA WORK AT JACK IN THE BOX. UGHHHHH. NUUUU. *complainwhine*
I just. blargh. Why whilst the places I really want to work at not call me baaaaaaaaccck? Then I could be happy. With books. Or music. I weep. TT^TT
...I has to do something though. My parents are coming back tomorrow. *SOB*
So lezzsee.
Need
Job.
NEED JOB.
*squeezes eyes shut and taps heels together three times* I do believe in spooks - ooops. erm.
*clickclickclick* There's noplacelikea joooob. There's noplacelikea JOBBBB.

October 26th, 2006

Meet the fuzz

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Not that I'm like, posting pictures or anything. I has NO SCANNER.
NOOOOO.
..
Okay, I lied. But what I DID mean to say was that HEY! I has no computer. I'm using the one at the office.
I managed to kick me artses block (I think *knock on wood* as I have only really been working on 1 thing lately..) and now I have no computer.
Fail.
And my dad is closing his office which equals no monies.
More fail.
Must move and find job.
I weep. I have no idea what I'm doing.
TRA-LA-LA!!!
...I shall be happy, bammit.
I draw to make meself feel bettar. >_0;
*thwack*

(AKA: I'm still alive. ;_; Weep)

October 10th, 2006

Pure strange

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Uh yeah.
I haven't been able to draw anything decent or sane in the past few months.
I fail at life.
Seriously. ¬¬;; This is an outlet that I need or I be insane.
And another thing...trying to get to move and go to college...the stress level. Why did noone tell me of this demon beforehand? I coulda shot myself and made things a whole damn lot easier.
I crawl into the abyssal now.
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